There’s no place for “foodies” at the State Fair. It’s not a destination for musings in molecular gastronomy, sous vide lamb shank, local artisan cheeses or finishing salts. The NC State Fair is about one thing and one thing only: fried stuff with cheese!
Sure, maybe there are 2 or 3 vendors selling vegetables of some variety. But I’m pretty damn sure they’re both fried and smothered in Ranch. Why? Because it’s the fair man. It’s about throwing your common sense out a 5 story tall spinning steel cage of death and giving in to your dumbest desires. There are few moments in life when it’s absolutely socially acceptable to sample every dipped, skewered, stuffed, and battered morsel you can hold. Soak it in and enjoy yourself, because like any of the seizure-inducing rides, the fun is short lived and hazardous to your health.
Here’s a short glimpse into our team’s adventure thru the crowds of forest camo, skinny jeans, and lip piercings:
A few important things we learned:
1. Whatever you’re buying, milkshake to funnel cake, start with 1 per group. 1 per person, no matter what it is, is a gamble with death.
2. Wear shoes. For god’s sake wear shoes.
3. There are real people in the freak show exhibits, so prepare to feel really bad about yourself for paying to go in.
4. And finally, apparently there’s such a thing as the Lost Kiddie Colony…I hear a forgotten soul by the name of Sour Patch was lost during the 1999 State Fair and has been running the colony ever since. I wish I were kidding…